Hi Everyone,
I read, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend because some people just don’t have any. This is what I mean.
Sometime last December someone I kind of know suggested I do something. When I said, “Thank you for thinking of me but it’s just not my thing,” they looked at me.
A few seconds later they suggested I do the same thing with different words and a stronger, firmer tone. Again, I said that I wasn’t interested. Since they used a stronger, firmer tone with me, I suggested, in a stronger, firmer tone, they if they thought it was such a great an idea, that they should do it. That was not the answer that they wanted.
Almost a minute went by before they again, suggested I do something I didn’t want to. That time I was not patient. “Look,” I said, “I already told you that I don’t want to do it. Cut it out. If you think it is such a great idea, do it yourself.”
“Listen to the attitude,” they said. “All I am suggesting is that you…”
“I don’t care. I want you to leave me alone. And the attitude—that is from you trying to push me into doing something I don’t want to do. Stop it.”
When someone in the room said, “If someone doesn’t want to do something, they shouldn’t be made to feel guilty,” they finally stopped. And that is probably the only way they would have stopped. I am serious.
Okay so that is one example of someone who needed some help recognizing boundaries. But here is the thing, not only did they know I was reading the book, I had the book right in front of me, sitting on the table the whole time they were trying to sell me on their suggestion. Then there are times when people are “curious” about things in our lives that are none of their business and they ask us endless, and very personal questions. Some people have boundaries they wouldn’t let others cross, but hey have no problem crossing the boundaries of others.
One thing I will say though is that while I was reading the book, I learned a lot about myself. I remembered certain times and certain situations in my past when I needed help with boundaries. There were also some examples in the book that made me realize how much I have grown. I am still a work-in-progress and I am okay with that.
Just as a head’s up, Boundaries is a faith based book. As a Roman Catholic I didn’t mind the bible references. The book, Boundaries, has sold over 2 million copies. And it also has books dedicated to dating, work, children and marriage. Some are in audiobook format and most include workbooks. If you or someone you know is having a hard time with boundaries, I suggest these books.
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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