Hi Everyone,
I have read this book twice and my feelings haven’t really changed. This is what I mean.
The first time I read, Beautiful Boy: A Father’s Journey Through His Son’s Addiction, by David Sheff was about 10 years ago. I finished reading it again last week. During the second read I underlined parts and dog-eared a lot of pages. The reason is this is a very fact-based memoir. If you want to know how drugs will destroy you or someone you love, Beautiful Boy, will tell you. Although some of the facts may be out-dated, I am rather certain that whatever drugs people are choosing to now put in their bodies is far worse than whatever it was 10 years ago and will only kill them faster.
On the second read I noticed a few red-flags. The first was in the Introduction. There David Sheff says, “Nic was always on the cutting edge of popular trends—in their time, Care Bears, My Little Pony, Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Star Wars, Nintendo, Gun’s N Rose’s, grunge, Beck, and many others. He was a trailblazer with meth, too, addicted years before politicians denounced the drug as the worst yet to hit the nation.” Later in the book, he will make a similar reference. I am not going to share how I feel about either.
There are two occasions that I recall when David says he really didn’t like the people his son, Nic, was hanging out with yet he never says if he tried to stop it or at the very least intervene. I remember thinking that the father was more into being his son’s friend. As a parent, I am of the opinion, that children want to be parented their whole life, not just when it is convenient or when they are in trouble. My daughter has been double digits for over two decades and there are still a few times a year when I parent her. When she was growing up the words, “That’s my job,” were said more than once when I told her she wasn’t going to hang out with people I didn’t want her associating with or if I said no to something she wanted to do. She thinks she turned out A-Okay!
At one point the author questions his life decisions. My thoughts are in parentheses.
Did I spoil him? (Read the book to find out how spoilt that kid was.)
Was I too lenient? (YES!!! I swear that kid was driving the train, bus and plane!)
Did I give him too little attention? (NO!!!)
Too much? (YES!!! That kid got more attention than 5 kids combined.)
If only we never moved to the country. (Drugs are everywhere)
If only I never used drugs. (The father used more drugs than most. Like WOW!! And he told his son.)
If only his mother and I stayed together. (People divorce, die and separate all the time. It’s called life.)
If only and if only and if only…
During a group therapy session at one of the rehabs Nic is at, David writes, “Then another parent interrupts. ‘I felt the same way about my son until I realized that he couldn’t get to school or work or a therapy appointment but he could get to the pawn shops, get to his dealers, get whatever drug he wanted, get alcohol, break into houses, get needles—whatever was required. It’s a fairly sophisticated process to cook a batch of methamphetamine, but I felt so sorry for him thinking, He’s depressed. He’s fragile. He’s incapable. Of course I should pay his bill if he ends up in the hospital. Of course I should pay his rent or he’ll be on the streets. So for about a year I paid for a comfortable place for him to get high.’” I added this because drug addicts are highly resourceful people when they want to be. And when they are desperate for drugs, they are like everyone else—dangerous. I am of the opinion, that drug addicts should be in rehab even if they don’t want to be and when they are addicted to drugs they never want to be in rehab.
In another section of the book it refers to an AA’s platitude of, “An alcoholic will steal your wallet and lie about it. A drug addict will steal your wallet and then help you look for it.” But I think that is wrong. A drug addict will steal your wallet and then help you look for it while they also steal whatever else they can from you in the process!
Months after a near death experience, David, Nic’s father begins to realize that even if he did cause it, (the addiction) he can’t cure it (and he, his ex-wife and new wife have tried) and that he can’t control it (because drugs control his son and for years drugs controlled the life of everyone Nic came in contact with).
Drugs are tricky but drug addicts are trickier. If you want to know how drugs will destroy your life, the life of the people you (say you) care about, how drugs affect society and how calculating and manipulative drug users and addicts can be and are read this book.
And yes, I know it is also a movie. It was at TIFF last year. I didn’t see, Beautiful Boy, at the theatres and I will not be borrowing it from the library for free either. I live in Toronto. If I want to see drug addicts and their discarded dirty needles and bands and crack pipes all have to do is go for a #6walk. The only reason I reread this book is because it is fact-based.
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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