This blog has been on my mind since before COVID-19 took over our lives. I am writing and posting it now because the majority of us have a lot of time to reflect on how our choices have shaped our lives. Owning our choices is not always easy. Here is today’s blog.
“If I didn’t live my life under other people’s terms when I was a growing up, because their suggestions were beyond ridiculous, I am certainly not going to start living my life for others now.” That may seem like a teenager sounding off, yet I had a strong moral compass from a very young age. I also had a love of reading, watching documentaries and informative TV, like 60 Minutes from the age of ten. I am telling you this because I knew who I was, what I wanted and for the most part, I believed in myself.
When I was in my twenties and pregnant with my daughter there were only two people who didn’t suggest I have an abortion. One of those people was my father. My keeping my daughter had nothing to do with my Roman Catholic upbringing. There was something inside of me, other than my daughter, that knew I should. So, I did. Let’s flash forward to when she is about eight years-old.
It was then that we had been living in a ground-floor two-storey townhouse for about four years. It was geared to income, so the rent was 30% or 33% of whatever I earned. We had an extra-large backyard with a huge tree, room for an oversized swing-set, a walkway to the back gate, a large patio where my 6-seat patio set and barbeque were just outside the patio doors. Somehow the co-op got this amazing cable package with the deepest discount that made it ridiculous not to have. I also had permission to knock out a wall before we moved in and my father, a former house painter, painted every nook and cranny. Our place was awesome and in a great location. Unfortunately, as new people moved in, a negative vibe took over. My mother, well, she was being herself to the power of ten and I am rather certain my sister wasn’t stopping her.
It got to the point that I told my mother that if things didn’t change, meaning how she treated me, then I was going to leave and I was taking my daughter with me. Those one-sided conversations went on for about a year partly because she didn’t believe I would, or could afford to move anywhere. Money was always top of mind as I searched the bottom of each handbag for change. If you look for something long enough you will find it. Each of my two jobs gave me opportunities to meet interesting people and it was there that I met two men who shaped my life. Both were business men who had a different perspective. Both owned a business outside of Canada.
At some point I (finally) chose to leave my mother, sister, the other “family” antics and BS behind and moved to Hungary. But before I did, I thought I should ask a few people what they thought. One of the three people was a girl-friend who knew me well and knew what I was up-against. She thought I should stay. When I asked each of the two men, both said I should move, go to Hungary, which is what I decided before I asked anyone.
Plans were made, things were arranged, and everything fell apart just before 9/11 when my life really went off the rails. The plane tickets were bought, things were sold, and my two-storey townhouse was getting a new tenant. Failure was not an option as options were luxuries. I had to keep going.
Things in Hungary had their moments. I really got to know everyone’s true colours. There was one morning when I was so scared about the future, that I can honestly say I have never been that scared since and I pray that I never will be again.
When we got back to Canada, not only was I out of money, I owed a ton of it, we had no where to live, my credit score was either 238 or 283, but I still kind of had a job. For anyone who is interested my credit score has increased substantially and it is going up all the time. Finding a place to live, getting back to my old job while working at another and getting all of my things out of people’s homes took a few months. It took over 10 years for my mother and I to get along. Even now, if she says or does something vaguely ridiculous, I call her out because I am not going to let her or anyone treat me like a second-class citizen. My self-esteem and self-worth may fluctuate and I will put up with (a lot of) BS for a long time, but even I have my limits. And that is the point of this blog.
Living in a McMansion with all the financial trappings is a choice you made, own it. If you can’t afford the neighbourhood, move or stop complaining. No one wants to hear it. Staying married to someone you don’t like or no longer likes you is a choice. Make the best of it, it might get better. Giving up some social status has got to be better than being treated poorly or unloved. And yes, I know, life isn’t always easy. Perhaps some of your first world problems are self-inflicted hardships.
If you don’t like something change it! Yes, things are going to be hard! If it was easy you would have already done it but for whatever reason you
didn’t. Now is your time. If I could leave my comfortable life and move out of the country with little to no money AND have everything fall apart months after I worked on having everything fall into place so can you! The reward far out-weighed the risk. My life is far better and my daughter is a productive member of society who has a good life.
Unfortunately, this is the perfect time for change, even if it is slow. If you don’t own your choices, your choices own you.
Here is a link to, Behind the Blog. Today’s post is called, Who Would Have Thought?
Thank you for reading, A.Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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