Hi Everyone,
When I worked in a downtown department store, I would see all kinds of people from all walks of life. Some of those people I would see only once, while others I would see on a regular basis. There was one woman, I saw everyday, at least once.
Until I got to know H.B, I would address her as the non-customer. We first met about 4 years ago. Another salesperson informed me that H.B. has walked the mall after work for years and more now that her mother passed away and that I will most likely see her more than once a day. That salesperson was right. I saw her a lot, every day.
At first I didn’t understand why H.B. would walk the mall everyday after work and come in on her days off. She didn’t live close to the mall. Why was she behaving like that? The answer was and still is that she is lonely. Embarrassed that it took me so long to understand her basic need for human contact, I made of point of speaking to H.B. more often.
Over the 4 years of my knowing her we would speak at my then counter, race outside of the store for “Free Stuff” and have lunch together. When I was finally downsized out of that job I would call the store and ask about her because I lived no where the downtown mall.
One of my former co-workers would give me updates like, “She was really happy today,” or, “Did she ever tell you…?” Naturally I was happy to hear she was happy. But I knew something was wrong when, “Did she ever tell you…?” was asked. I knew that in a few days, her life would be as normal as it could be. H.B. has a few more challenges than most of us. Being lonely is one.
So on December 24, 2012 I called the store to wish my former co-worker Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and to please tell H.B. the same. It was then that my former co-worker told me she hadn’t seen her. When I asked, “Do you mean she didn’t stop by or pass by your counter? Or do you mean you didn’t see her AT ALL?” H.B. was not in the store that day. That was the first red flag. Something was wrong and I knew it.
I called the store between Christmas and New Year’s Day. H.B. still hadn’t been in the store. “Are you SURE no one has seen her? Because that is a LONG time for H.B. I remember one year she asked if the store was open on Boxing Day and she literally jumped when she was told it was. I know how excited she was about that because I was standing right there. Something is wrong.”
My former co-worker politely tells me that she is sure H.B. is visiting her family and/or busy. I wasn’t buying it. I know what I know and I know something is wrong because I know H.B. I didn’t know what was wrong, but it was something and I was going to find out what. My former co-worker didn’t say it, but I think she thought I was overreacting and that’s okay.
On Friday January 3, 2012 I call the store and spoke with my former co-worker. Not only has she not seen H.B., no one else has either. “Okay, I ‘m calling her work. I’ll call you back as soon as I know what is going on.” I began my Internet search before I hung up the phone. “Great, there are only like 7 companies with that name in the city! I got to go.”
Because my head was pounding and I was still sick with my cold I do an Internet search of where I saw H.B. last. It was about a month ago. I was outside having a cigarette with a friend when I saw her across the street. Since I haven’t seen her for almost a full year I called out both her name and her nickname. She stopped and I told her who I was because I looked different and I was not in the store or the mall. She remembered me, we spoke for a few moments and she pointed to her office.
I do a search of the street names of where I was that day. As soon as I have a telephone number I call and ask for her. The receptionist doesn’t know who I am talking about. H.B knows everyone. The receptionist knows who I mean, but for legal reasons has to protect the employees of the company she works for. I know that so I keep talking. A few moments later I am transferred.
A woman tells me that H.B. is alive, going to work, has been to her usual classes etc. This woman also thanks me for worrying about H.B. and calling to see how she is and why she is not stopping by the store any more. I am told why. She would go to the mall on her lunch and go back to work sad.
Not only is H.B. lonely, she also has some other challenges that a lot of us have the privilege of living without. Some days those challenges affect her more than others. And few people understand or want to understand her. I have seen the way some of the people I once worked with have treated her. I didn’t like it then and I like it even less now.
My blog on H.B. is important. First, H.B. is a human being. We all are, even if we are inhumane. Second, H.B. is harmless. If we want others to understand us, should we not also try to understand others? All of us have flaws that are easier to overlook when we don’t have challenges. But does that make us better people? In my opinion it does not.
I am of the belief that if someone cannot trust themselves to know how to behave when they are in the presence of people who have challenges then that person is more challenged than the person with the challenges.
H.B. rarely goes out at night and she will probably not visit the store anymore. She now has one less place to meet her human needs thereby, increasing her challenges.
Being kind, lending an ear or sharing a smile are small gestures that we can choose to give. We all need human contact. Loneliness, according to Dr.Oz, is a silent killer and it will send our mental health care costs spiraling. Loneliness affects not only a persons’ mental health, it also affects them physiologically. That is HUGE.
Does this mean that we, as a society, should stop and speak, lend an ear or smile at everyone whether they are challenged or not? In my opinion it all boils down to trust. How much do you trust yourself to handle any situation? Obviously these situations are easier in broad daylight and/or public spaces.
Because I know the importance of human contact and the affects, I have learned to trust myself more. What about you? And don’t forget, anything can happen to anyone. No one is exempt. One day life is balloons and unicorns and the next….
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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