Hi Everyone,
Here is the second part of the last blog called, Whose Got Your Ear? As I said in the first blog, I posted on Monday January 22nd, 2016, it could also be called, Who is Your Centre of Influence? Or, “Who put that in your head?” or even, “Get that out of your head!” In this blog, I’ll explain why parts of the last sentence are in quotation marks. Here is today’s blog.
While I was raising my daughter she would say and ask normal growing up pre-teen stuff like so-and-so said, so-and-so did/does and so-and so thinks. Every once in a while some of the things she would say and ask would make me ask her, “Who put that in your head?” After she answered, I would ask her a few questions. “Really? And what makes you think they’re right? Who are they to tell you…..?” was the usual before I would compare so-and-so to people we knew who on the surface looked good in person and on paper and talked a good game but had magnets attached to their moral compasses when one knew what was really going on in their lives. After I ripped so-and-so to shreds I would strongly suggest that she thoroughly question the credibility of the person or people who (temporarily) had her ear. I have always taught my daughter to question everyone, everything and anything at all times.
If my daughter said something and I didn’t like it because it didn’t jive with my moral compass, or her potential, I would tell her, “Get that out of your head! Right now!” Then I would ask, “Who told you that?” After she answered, I would say, “How dare they tell you….” Again I gave her examples of people we knew. To prove my point further, I also referenced facts of highly successful self-made people we watched on TV. (Donny Deustche and the Big Idea, was our favourite business show.)
There was no way that I was going to allow my daughter to believe, make sense of what I believed were senseless things. There was no way I was going to let her believe the first, second, third or anything that someone said, did or thought was right, true either. Both of the above bugged me. But the one thing that bugged me the most was when someone told her she couldn’t, shouldn’t or wouldn’t do, try, or accomplish something. Anytime someone, anyone tried to undermine her potential I would FREAK! “Who cares what so-and-so says, does or thinks? I don’t! As far as I am concerned, and I am very concerned, if you want to know anything, about anything, you ask me! You know I’ll tell you the truth. And if I don’t know, I’ll figure it out! You know that too.” She did and still does. Here is an example.
The other day, my daughter told me that when she was 17, someone strongly discouraged her and undermined her abilities. “When she told me that, I remember thinking, ‘You’re so stupid. Do you even know how many famous people ….’ ” My reply was, “I would have called her an idiot myself. How much older is she?” “Right. And she is still… And you did exactly what she said you couldn’t do and more. Good one. What an idiot,” was all I said about that. Later in our conversation I said, “We are different,” because we are, always have been and always will be. This is what I mean.
I would yell to my daughter, not at her. There is a difference. She knew that then and confirmed it the other day. But not everyone in our life understood the difference. Some people shared their (unwanted) opinions (sic). The majority of what they said was F.I.N.E., which is the acronym for Fucked-up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. If I wasn’t going to allow my daughter to make sense of what I believed was senseless, I don’t know why they thought they could convince me, but they tried. Needless to say, they had a very low success rate and my daughter’s life is very different than that of their children.
The point of these blogs is to question who has your ear, your centre of influence. If they don’t make sense and are trying to make you make sense of the senseless ignore them. It doesn’t matter who they are, how much they do or do not have, how they look in person, on paper, or how they talk their game. What does matter is how you allow what the person who has your ear, your centre of influence, the person you allow into your head, to affect you.
A lot of people aren’t worth listening to. Remember that. And while you’re at it, remember we never know what is in the hearts of others. Everyone has a personal agenda that is not always in your best interest, despite what you think.
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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