Hi Everyone,
This blog was posted on Friday February 7, 2014 for a reason. It is one week before Valentine’s Day and the weekend is upon us, aka, shopping time. But this blog can apply to any time of the year if someone wants to give or expects to receive an engagement ring. This is what I mean.
For a number of years, I have been asking women of all ages and socio-economic positions how much they think an engagement ring should cost. Should it be 2-3 months of a man’s wages? If so is that amount his gross or net take home pay? What if he is self-employed? How should the calculation be done then? Does one take a look at his last year’s income tax return and then divide his income by 6 or 4? What if he had a loss the year before? Or he is unemployed? Then what? Then how does one calculate how much he should invest in an engagement ring? Or better yet does one even care? Who made up this financial rule anyway? Was it De Beers because they had a surplus of diamonds in the late 1800’s? Is that how the rationale began?
The answers varied. One thing I did notice, though, was that a growing number of women thought that elaborate weddings and all the trimmings, including the engagement ring were something that could and in some cases, should be down-sized. That elaborate and extravagant weddings and engagement rings were cash grabs. Since about half of divorces are over money, I thought those were keen observations. Interestingly most of them came from young women in their early to late twenties.
But what does a man do when he wants to propose and his soon to be fiancée reminds him, perhaps not so gently, that her engagement ring should be 2-3 months of his wages? If you haven’t seen men in this predicament, I have. It’s not pretty. They smile at their soon to be fiancée through gritted teeth. Some men are even told, by their soon to be fiancée that they want an engagement ring that costs more than his 2-3 months wages! Those men aren’t smiling at all! They are either on the verge of tears or ready to lose their minds! I, like a lot of women, don’t blame them.
Why do some women want an expensive engagement ring and wedding anyway? If the person likes or loves them should it matter? If so why? Is it so that they can show off, impress, others? Perhaps. Maybe The Peanut Gallery made a few comments, suggestions or demands. With some people, status, keeping up appearances is all that counts.
If you give someone an engagement ring you (should) want that person in your life because you at the very least like them. (Some marriages have nothing to do with love.) Due to the high divorce rate, they may not be in your life until death do you part. This is especially true if the couple is having money problems. I have always wondered when people divorce over money if the root cause had something to do with an engagement ring the fiancé didn’t want to buy. It could. Starting a marriage with those kinds of demands generally dictate the rest of the marriage, of what someone is signing up for. An engagement ring sets a standard of how someone wants to live, what they expect. Men know this. They are not Neanderthals, like some people would like to believe. They know that the quality of a ring is a direct reflection of them. So how do I feel about engagement rings?
In some ways, I am old fashioned. Before an engagement ring I would like a promise ring. This is partly because even if Mr. Wonderful swept me off my feet, the chances of my wanting to get married are slim to none. I am serious. I’d live with someone, but marriage?
At least with a promise and engagement ring I’d have two rings. Does the size of the jewel or the cost matter in either case? Not really. I, like a growing number of young women, trust that the person who is proposing will have enough sense to know not to skimp out. I, like the other young women, would rather have a less expensive jewel and use the other money for other things. That does not mean we don’t have standards. We do. They are just different.
And I don’t know how I feel about a jewel expressing the true or assumed net worth of the person I received the ring from. I like people to like me for me, not for what they think I have or have access to, money or otherwise.
So how does gear the investment of an engagement ring? I don’t know. Everyone and each scenario is different. To force someone into buying an engagement ring beyond their means sends a very strong signal of what is to come. I’d think about that. Men want to profess their love, they want to protect and provide. Maybe a less expensive ring would ensure all of the above.
Here are some related links to other blogs,
http://arebelsrant.com/do-you-know-what-youre-signing-up-for/ (This one has a few links.)
http://arebelsrant.com/the-peanut-gallery/
http://arebelsrant.com/you-cant-really-change-that/
http://arebelsrant.com/pre-and-post-nuptials-anyone/
http://arebelsrant.com/meal-ticket-taste/
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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