Hi Everyone,
Here’s the blog I mentioned in Do You Know What You’re Signing Up For? on Friday July 19, 2013. And yes I haven’t blogged since and it is the longest I’ve gone without blogging. Here’s the link to that blog, http://arebelsrant.com/do-you-know-what-youre-signing-up-for/ Here’s today’s blog.
This blog has been on my mind for over decade. In my mind,EVERYONE should have a pre AND post-nuptial agreement. Now I just want to say that I’ve never been married. In fact I plan on remaining marriage free for the rest of my life. I really enjoy my life. I also really enjoy living alone. BUT, BUT, if in case I did meet someone that I would consider living with, I would ABSOLUTELY get a pre and post nuptial agreement. This is EXACTLY why.
People are funny and not always in a good way. You can live with someone and years, (hopefully not months!) later discover that you really don’t know who them. They are no longer the person they were when you first met or moved in with. People also get funny when it comes to money! Since 51% of marriages, (so not including the unknown number of people living together who go their separate ways) in America end in divorce and 70% of those marriages are because of money. Let’s start there.
There are a lot of people who have meal ticket taste. And yes, I did blog about that, here’s the link, http://arebelsrant.com/meal-ticket-taste-anyone/ One thing I forgot to add to that blog is this. If someone is DISREPECTING your money, they are DISREPECTING YOU!!!
And it is also disrespectful when people don’t hold up their end of the bargain after a few months or years. You know like what you signed up for. Since I am a black and white person, I like things in black and white. If I was to be in a relationship I would want to know EXACTLY how things are going to be. I would INSIST on a pre-nuptial agreement. Since I am a female who knows EXACTLY what she wants, I’ll use (parts) of my life/list as an example.
Let’s say the man, Mr. Wonderful, has, or makes more money than me and we are living together. What percentage of my income is going to pay for what and why? If over time I make more than him, I would adjust the percentage accordingly. It’s only fair provided he’s TRULY trying to make the same or more money than before. That means he didn’t decide to take me for a financial ride.
What if Mr. Wonderful has worked VERY hard on his house and he owns it outright? Or what if the house has been in the family for years? Should I feel ENTITLED to the house if our relationship hits the fan because that’s exactly what it would be? Not unless, I’ve paid for renovation(s) or an addition! This one REALLY MUST be NEGOTIATED before anyone moves anywhere! This is especially true if he has a mortgage!
If I want specialty channels, like the ones I have NOW, and he doesn’t have those channels, I would pay for them if he doesn’t want to. There are some programs that I watch every day. If he doesn’t like them he can leave the room in silence. Like no, “Oh, you’re watching THAT show!” or a version of that. It would be disrespectful if he didn’t say anything to me but bad mouthed my shows (me) behind my back. Just saying.
That also means that if he’s into sports or something I have no interest in he won’t give me attitude or yell if I don’t watch whatever as intensely as he does. (Yes a guy has really done that to me!) If he wants me to stay in the room I will. If he wants me to leave I will. And I, too, will be silent about it and not bad mouth his sports (him) or other programs behind his back. He wants to have the “guys” over (like more than one friend) for whatever, sure. How many times a year? If money is no object great, if money is tight what is the budget? How many times does he want me there? Does he want me to stay at home and cater to him and his friends by getting beer, preparing, cleaning up, I’ll do my part. How many times a year? For anyone who hasn’t already guessed, I’m not really a sports person. The only thing I LOVE watching is the Formula One. BUT I understand that when it comes to sports, men have needs. I get it. And I will happily do whatever we negotiated, in the pre-nup. Remember, he’s Mr. Wonderful. ;D
The only time I would “drag” him shopping is when we have a special/high-end occasion and I NEED his opinion. Naturally I would the same for him. If he enjoys shopping more than me, I don’t want to be “dragged” shopping. I am serious. (And yes, I have a blog for that. Here’s the link, http://arebelsrant.com/why-i-hate-shopping/
Since I enjoy a certain level of cleanliness, I would expect him to also. If he’s a neat freak he has to do his part. If he expects a deep-clean every week we would need to negotiate that with the cleaning service. If I need to go away for work and I come back to a clean house great! If not, then he should have either cleaned up after himself, or called a cleaning service. Depending on how he deals with our pre-nup, I would either be unpacking or PACKING! What if he needs to go away for business? Well, I better pick-up after myself. What if we are both so busy building our lives that things get out of hand? Who is going to do what, why and when? My answer is the first person who TRULY has time! But the above too needs to be negotiated.
Are we going to build our wealth together or are we going go it alone? If we are going to go it alone, what if one of us has a TRUE emergency and need funds? So not DRAMA!!! How EXACTLY will one help the other? If we are going to build our wealth together how EXACTLY will it be done? Percentages perhaps? What if he has to relocate to another country? At this point in my life, I can work anywhere so that’s not an issue NOW, but what if my life changes? Where are we going? What will the living conditions be? Am I going to require a new wardrobe? If so who is footing the bill for that? People in Russia wear fur coats in the winter for a reason. It’s cold! How many hours is the flight? Is he going to pay for my flights back and forth if I can’t because something in my life changes or I want to visit my daughter? Right now I can jump on a 40 minute train to see her. What if I want to speak to someone and they are a longer distance telephone call? Is he going to bitch in my other ear about the telephone bill? Only if I’ve calling people excessively and it’s not an emergency, wedding, funeral, or birth!
If he wants me to maintain my weight, (personally I think I look better when I weigh between 110-120 pounds) is he going to maintain his? I like men with a BIT of meat on them. Not a man who looks like he’s ready to give birth! Since I’ve always taken care of myself, I expect him to take of himself too. There’s a saying about that, “If I don’t look good you don’t look good.” Both of us should be putting our best feet forward at all times. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m a bit old to look disheveled for more than a 5-7 minute errand A FEW TIMES A YEAR! If anyone thinks I’m being shallow, think again! As humans we are part of the human race. People judge others all the time. So appearance is a two-way street, meaning we BOTH should look as good as possible, under the circumstances. And really if one person allows the other to look disheveled on a regular basis they don’t care about them! That’s called Meal Ticket Taste!
What is one of us has a medical emergency? Is the other even going to show up at the hospital, book appointments, LOVE, CARE, about the other in ways that happily married people do whether we are married or not? If he has a cold or something that can be addressed at home, wants me to hang around and play nurse maid I will. Hell, I might even put a nurse’s uniform if I thought he’d like it. I’d probably smoother him with care and love. I don’t like people around me when I’m sick. As long as he called me on the telephone, made sure I had everything I needed and wanted, I’m pretty sure I’d rarely want to see him. But what if something happens to one of us and we are no longer able to have sex? Then what? My thinking is if our emotional and other needs are being met, the other person should not have to remain celibate if they don’t want to. People have needs. Sex is physical. Sex is a stress reliever. If the one person would like or needs sex and the other person cannot provide it in the usual or any manner, the one that can have sex should be able to. This clearly needs to be negotiated.
Okay so you get the picture of some of things that should be in a pre-nup. The list is endless. With a pre-nup, everyone will know EXACTLY what they are signing up for. Now what about the post-nup?
A post-nup can be signed at the same time as a pre-nup. Both should be done before moving in together or getting married. Post-nups are generally used by business people. For anyone who doesn’t already know, a post-nup is basically like this. One person in the relationship has built one or more businesses AFTER the once couple has parted. Because they built the one or more businesses AFTER the break-up or divorce, a post-nup ensures that the other person cannot have access to the “money” that they have created since they parted ways.
Since I have never been married I’ve never signed a pre-nup. I have lived with people though. Shortly after I moved in with one “guy” the company he worked for moved to the states. I floated both of our financial boats while he literally drank my money away and more! That didn’t last long. It wasn’t what I signed up for I just didn’t have it in black and white! But if by chance I do meet Mr. Wonderful, I do want it to last! Like FOREVER!!! And provided we both hold up our end of the bargain, it will!
Before I leave I really want everyone to seriously consider the reasons why EVERYONE should have a pre and post-nuptial agreement. Both are legal documents, so they should be drawn up by a lawyer. If you feel that you should see a lawyer before signing one do! In fact I insist on it! Just make sure that lawyer works at another firm but is on the same legal footing as the lawyer who has drawn up the agreements. THAT’S very IMPORTANT!!! Remember that, your financial life and your sanity may depend on them. If you decide not to adhere to my advice and something goes wrong, it’s your own damned fault!
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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