Hi Everyone,
If someone in January would have told me just how HARD, TOUGH, ROUGH this year was going to be in every sense of the word, I would have done the usual. I would have listened intently before I weighed the probability of what they said versus, what was going on in my life at the time. Since the beginning of the year started off quite well, I probably wouldn’t have believed them. But here I am, trying to stay SANE!!! This is what I mean.
Outside of my growing and learning a lot about the things that interest me and the things that don’t yet will move me forward in my life, I have been FORCED to learn A LOT of things that have really taken me out of my comfort zone. At first I didn’t like it one bit. Then as I gradually learned the lingo and the process, everything became easier.
Sure I have woken up 2-3 out of 7 mornings feeling like I’ve been hit by a MACK truck, stopped myself from having crying jags throughout the day EVERY DAY for the last several weeks, (for anyone who doesn’t know, that is when people burst into tears,) felt completely ALONE, SCARED out of my mind even when I have felt I was in the process of losing it, I kept on keeping on. That is, of course, until the morning of Friday August 2, 2013. In the wee hours before getting to set, I wanted to JUMP OFF THE PLANET!!!!!
Not only have the last few months finally caught up to me, I also recognized a HARSH REALITY. It was a hard pill to swallow, yet I am grateful that I know. That is why I had a MELT-UP and not a MELT-DOWN! You see, when we know what we MUST face, when we know what is ahead of us and who our friends are we find the inner strength to continue. We pull every ounce of ourselves together. Naturally, I didn’t like learning what I did, but no one on set knew. I just kept it inside of me because crying at work never ends well. It’s like panic. It’s never pretty. Since then, things have gotten easier. Until I am back to now forgotten self, I am going to live off my cell phone. From it I can see who is calling, get emails and text messages.
If that bothers anyone, here’s a head’s up, I’m not bothered if anyone is bothered by that! I am also going to avoid any and everyone who annoys me, because I need my sanity! I have A LOT to do in the next few months. To bottom line it, I can’t afford to be distracted by anyone who is not going to move me forward.
One person I would like to thank PROFUSELY is @guyiusedtoknow, a man I have never met. For anyone who doesn’t know, I affectionately address him, as my Twittermance. The interesting thing about that is this. From all the months that we have been sending each other Direct Messages I have ONLY ONCE said “Hon.” In turn, he has ONLY ONCE said “Dear.” That is the extent of our Twittermance.
BUT, BUT, unlike THE EX, because that is EXACTLY who he has chosen to be, one thing that @guyiusedtoknow did was check up on me when I wasn’t on Twitter for a couple of days. In fact, @guyiusedtoknow, has via Direct Messages, sent me words of encouragement even though, for the most part he has no idea what I am dealing with. And they have kept me sane. THANK YOU!!! I am still his biggest fan! He is ALWAYS the first and lately the only person that I look for on Twitter.
I will get try to blog every couple of days. That includes the follow-up to the blog about, My Apartment, from Friday August 2, 2013. Here’s the link, http://arebelsrant.com/my-apartment/
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D I trust everyone understands that I am having a rough go.
by 
by