Hi Everyone,
Has anyone been on Twitter or another form of social media lately? And I know that sounds like a strange question coming from me, since I have a strong aversion to social media but I do read tweets. The one thing that I’ve noticed lately is that there are A LOT men tweeting about NOT having sex.
I found that alarming since they are all married. There’s clearly some kind of a communication breakdown somewhere. Married people are still people and people as I know it, have sex. Okay, maybe not GREAT sex, but they still have sex. Don’t they? According to the men tweeting, it’s not often enough or in some cases not at all. Here’s what this blog is about.
One day, about a month ago now, when my EX and I were talking on the telephone he asked me how “couples” stay together. My IMMEDIATE response was, “It’s called GREAT sex!” After a short pause, he asked, “Do you really think so?” My reply was, “YEP! Or if they aren’t having sex, they just have affairs because they know that they can’t afford to divorce, or they have children that they feel they may not see if they do divorce. Overall, HAPPILY married couples have GREAT sex and LOTS of it!”
As you have probably guessed, we discussed our GREAT sex life. Then as he spoke, I remembered, “Oh yea, I did introduce you to that.” Hmmm. That alone should put and keep me on a pedestal for the rest of my life since it’s his favourite. ;D So yes, we had a GREAT sex life. We both thought about sex more than the average person. (For anyone who has forgotten, the average male thinks about sex 19 times and the average female about 10 times a day.) We talked about sex, wrote about sex, left messages about sex and more importantly we had A LOT of it and it was GREAT!
BUT, BUT, as Kelly Cutrone says in her book, Normal Gets You Nowhere, (and I am paraphrasing here so that’s my disclaimer) “…once you have a fantastic lover, it can be really difficult to find another one who will cut it. And that’s what makes having a great lover a curse. It’s also a blessing since not everyone gets to experience it though…” (Kelly’s book, Normal Gets You Nowhere is an interesting read. I recommend it.)
I, of course, underlined that, since I know EXACTLY what she means! If you don’t know what I mean I wrote a blog called, What Drives You Crazy? Here’s the link, http://arebelsrant.com/what-drives-you-crazy/. (This blog speaks volumes, thereby a good read for both sexes.)
So what to do if you aren’t getting any or enough sex from your significant other like wife? Outside of taking “a hands approach,” I’m not sure. But I would definitely change something!
I remember I dated a guy who BARELY, RARELY wanted to have sex with me. After a while my girlfriends and I determined that he was either gay or trying to work out his sexuality. I mean, really what heterosexual male in his RIGHT mind, doesn’t want to have sex with a willing female? EXACTLY!!! And it’s not like I wasn’t attractive, I was, and still am better looking than most women my age.
So I know exactly what lack of sex (doesn’t) feel like. L It was, well demoralizing and I felt unattractive. Thankfully that didn’t last for too long. We were girlfriend and boyfriend, not married or living together so that was easily solved. But what to do if your significant other, like wife isn’t having any or enough sex with you? Talk to the other person before you do something you might regret is my first recommendation.
You see the thing about sex, making love, or well anything in life, is that everything is a two way street. If women stop, or decrease the sex they are having with let’s say, for convenience sake, their husbands, the man is not going to want to take out the garbage, mow the lawn, (especially if she hasn’t taken care of hers!) or do pretty much anything she wants or needs to have done. She’ll give him a “honey-do-list” and he’ll be thinking, “DO ME AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK and I’ll think about that FRIGGING list you just gave me Honey!”
Why? HIS NEEDS AREN’T BEING MET! What a lot of women tend to forget is that men are people too! AND everyone, including men has needs! It’s really that simple. Once a man has his needs met, he’ll start to take better care of the other person’s and everything else.
It drives me CRAZY when I hear women bitch to anyone who will listen about what he’s not doing, all the while forgetting what they’re not doing! Men are visual. They like to feel appreciated. They also like to see us looking our best. BUT, BUT, most of all, men are logical! They know when we have AND have not tried to do our best with the girlie things that they LOVE! (but don’t want to hear about). They also know our lives, because they are a part of it. Any man in his RIGHT mind should appreciate our efforts. That also means that any woman in her RIGHT mind should appreciate his!
What happened to all the love, all the romance, and the spring in your step from when you first met? Do people gradually just get too tired, comfortable not having sex, making love, that after a while it becomes okay? It CLEARLY can’t be okay if no one is happy! From the sounds of it, I’m happier than most people in a relationship and I’m single!
That doesn’t mean that I haven’t thought of sex, because I have A LOT. I’ve thought of a WHOLE series of ways to keep it fresh, having him wanting more, etc. So yes, I’ve put A LOT and I do mean A LOT of thought into this. If I’ve missed something, I’m open to suggestions from whoever the next man/Mr. Wonderful in my life will be. I want to be HAPPY with him, and I want him to be HAPPY with me, because it’s always a two way street.
My final thoughts on having more sex, when you aren’t getting any or enough are
1) Be open to trying to understand why your partner is behaving that way.
2) Work on trying to make it fun!
3) Try to remember what it was that had you attracted to them in the first, second and third place.
I have posted a few blogs that relate to relationships. Here are the links,
Does Anyone Actually Talk Anymore, http://arebelsrant.com/does-anyone-actually-talk-any-more/
This is EXACTLY What Women Want, http://arebelsrant.com/this-is-exactly-what-women-want/
Mr. Wonderful, http://arebelsrant.com/mr-wonderful/
Love What? ;D http://arebelsrant.com/love-what-d/
In my opinion, this is the best one, Allan Gregg In Conversation, http://arebelsrant.com/allan-gregg-in-conversation/
I sincerely hope the above helps.
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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