Hi Everyone,
As I’ve mentioned in, Say Hey 2 ;D, I’ve been under A LOT of stress lately. The last few weeks have been a blur as I have been in what I call survival mode. I’ve been in survival mode before in my life and I’ve never liked it but I’m glad I can do it. However, this time my being in survival mode took its toll on me but I just didn’t know it at the time. (Here’s the link to, Say Hey 2 ;D, http://arebelsrant.com/say-hey-2-d/ )
One night between Tuesday July 30th and Thursday August 2nd, I had a dream that had me waking up to more than I bargained for. This is what I mean.
In my dream I had an appointment to meet a woman. The environment reminded me of the detective department of a police station you see on TV. I am sitting in front of a desk. A woman who I have spoken to before opens a file and starts asking me questions about my rape. As I look at her in disbelief I ask her what she is talking about. Then I tell her I haven’t been raped and she has the wrong file. That’s when she looks at me and asks if I have bruises and feel sore. I tell her, “I don’t. I feel fine! What are you talking about? What EXACTLY is going on here?”
“You don’t remember do you?” she wants to know.
“Remember what? Everything has been the same, normal,” I tell her. She stares at me as she tells me that not only have I been raped, but I’ve been brutally raped by two men in the same night! I still have no recollection. When she tells me the date and time I, again, inform her that she has the wrong file, person.
Having given up, she has a quick, hushed conversation with her boss, he now sits at her desk and reads the police report. Not once does he look up from the file. He simply reads everything off the report in a flat tone. I still don’t believe him. To me, both of them are wasting my time. It is only after he finishes reading the report that I understand what is going on. I don’t like it one bit. That is the end of my dream.
Now I think we can all agree that when anyone has a dream of being raped, or in my case, brutally raped, by two men in the same night, it’s not a good thing. Rape is a violent act that the media likes to dilute by calling rape, sexual abuse. That pisses me off by the way because it minimizes the brutality of the perpetrators’ act and the victims’ feelings. The social economic factors of one being raped, not sexually abused, are endless and should never be taken lightly.
Since I don’t take my dreams lightly, especially since I was brutally raped by two people in the same night, I looked up my rape dream online. This is how, www.dreammoods.com defined rape in a dream,
Rape
To dream that you were raped or almost raped indicates vengeful or resentful feelings toward the opposite sex. You feel that you have been violated or that you have been taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Things are being forced upon you. Dreams of rape are also common for those who were actually raped in their waking life.
To see a rape being committed in your dream denotes sexual dysfunction or uncertainty. (End of definition.)
I feel all of the above. I feel vengeful towards one male and did feel resentful towards another. But as Suze Orman says, “When people show you EXACTLY who they are, you better pay attention!” And I’ve been paying very close attention. Thank you, for having an EGO bigger than the building you work in. (Lose my numbers, PERMANENTLY!!!)
I also feel violated and taken advantage of. And I feel as though someone is trying to jeopardize my self-esteem and my well-being and that things are being forced upon me. The weeks prior to my dream tested me at EVERY LEVEL!!! I’m not a doctor, but I am a woman who pays very close attention to her health. My having crying jags a few times a day, sleeping poorly and feeling like I was hit by a MACK truck 2-3 mornings out of 7 aren’t normal. In my opinion, the above are the symptoms of someone on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. Survivors know this and I am a survivor. That is when, I Had My Melt-Up. Here’s the link for that blog, http://arebelsrant.com/i-had-a-melt-up/
Forgetting something in a dream, or having amnesia is also something I looked up. This is how, www.dreammoods.com defined amnesia in a dream,
Amnesia
To dream that you have amnesia suggests that you are trying to block out the rejected or negative aspect of yourself. You are afraid of change. (End of definition.)
Am I afraid of change? I am but when change is being forced upon me, I just do it. This is especially true because I believe that, “Failure is not an option.” If I don’t change I will fail. I know that.
When I told a friend about my rape dream, she physically moved away from me. Then she immediately got a freaked out look on her face as she told me that Dr. Oz had an episode regarding dream interpretation last week. According to her memory of the show, when someone has a dream of being raped, that person has either had a traumatic event take place or they have been under a lot of stress. I have been under A LOT OF STRESS FOR WEEKS!!!
Do I believe that the last few weeks finally manifested themselves from my conscious, (waking life) to my unconscious, (sleeping life) in order to get my attention? I do. I’m pretty sure that people who have been brutally raped by two separate people in the same night would have daily crying jags, sleep poorly and feel like they have been hit by a MACK truck. The violent force of the rapes that I remember from my dream would have me feeling sore and I would definitely have bruises.
I also believe that I have a strong built in survival mechanism that spared me from having that dream before Tuesday July 30th because I needed to make it through that day. If I had that dream before I am pretty sure I would have been a basket case. Even I have my limits.
Now I know that most men consider dreams to be a “girlie thing”. I get it. Some dreams just aren’t worth remembering or looking up because they are flakey. Having a dream of being brutally raped by two men in the same night isn’t. It’s serious. So if anyone is going to think I’m a flake, I’m here to tell you you’re wrong. In fact I’m far from it. If you don’t believe me, I’m okay with that. But if someone reading this blog wants to look up their dreams, the link for Dream Moods is in this blog twice. Just saying.
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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