Can Etiquette Be Evil?

Hi Everyone,

One day as I was searching a used book store, I came across a book by Barbara Walters called, How to Talk with Practically Anybody About Practically Anything. The copyright is dated 1970, so if you haven’t heard of this book, that is probably why.

The book is timely. It has a lot of practical information that should and could be used today. One of those things is, you guessed it, etiquette.

Interestingly, my daughter called me, told me she was looking for that book and was happy that my “new” book was the one she was looking for.

Periodically my daughter will borrow books from me, but she only gets a book if she returns a book. I am like a really strict library. I am serious.

So I asked her if she finished the last book she borrowed. She said she was still reading it but was almost done. We agreed to meet and exchange books. When she finished reading, How to Talk with Practically Anybody About Practically Anything she called me. A few months later we were talking away, here is part of our conversation.

Me—Etiquette is EVIL.

My Daughter—No it’s not.

Me—Are you sure you read the Barbara Walters book because it doesn’t sound like it?

My Daughter—I told you did. Remember how happy I was that you had it?

Me—Yes, but if you read it, then you would know that etiquette is about making everyone comfortable. That also means that even if people are making you uncomfortable, you still have to make them comfortable in order to properly follow the rules of etiquette. That is the true definition of etiquette. And that is why etiquette is evil.

My Daughter—Not everyone goes out of their way to make people uncomfortable, mom.

Me—Okay but some people do. So would you agree that etiquette CAN be evil when people go out of their way to make others uncomfortable? Especially if they know that we, you and me, are going to follow the rules of etiquette even when they don’t or don’t want to at that moment because they want to make us or others uncomfortable. And I’m not referring to people who don’t know the rules of etiquette. I’m talking about the people who DO know the rules but don’t follow them because it doesn’t fit into their personal agenda. 

My Daughter—In that case, ….

Me— Etiquette can be evil. Thanks.

So the point of today’s blog is this. There are people who would LOVE to speak their minds but they don’t because they follow the rules of etiquette even when they don’t want to. I am one of those people. There have been times when I have bit my tongue to the point that I thought I was going to bite it right off!

Smiling and nodding at the appropriate moments, paying attention when I didn’t want to, or worse desperately trying to keep my mind on topic when it wanders because I am bored can be trying. A lot of people can really try my patience.

There have also been times when I have thought that people have assumed something about me, but I haven’t said anything because etiquette does not allow one to assume that someone is assuming something about them even if they are.

Two good examples of the above are past blogs. One is, Not In This Or…. Here is the link, http://arebelsrant.com/not-in-this-or/ and the other is called, IF You Are Assuming Something Stop IT!!! Here’s the link for that one, http://arebelsrant.com/if-you-are-assuming-something-stop-it/

This is a rant, it’s just very polite.

Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant!

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