Hi Everyone,
An innocent conversation brought this blog about. Welcome to reality. This is what I mean.
As I caught up with a friend, she they told me an interesting story. Someone strongly suggested to her that she pick up some of the slack of taking care of someone. This suggestion was made indirectly through a husband and others to my friend who then told me. Since I know everyone involved we discussed this in great length. It took all of 4 minutes or less. I am serious.
Apparently everyone involved believes that if you never complain and never explain that you have all the time in the world on your hands. That you should carry your weight, or at least do something in your day, even if they only have a vague idea of what is going on in your life. But then how would they know what is really going on, if you chose to never complain and never explain? Exactly!
Someone created a scenario of their hardship and her ease, and everyone within ear shot bought into it. Then my friend, who chooses to never complain and never explain, was made out to be the bad, unhelpful woman. Good thing she’s not stupid! A few choice words set everyone straight and I don’t blame her. Before she explained to me what happened, she explained to the person who was trying to get her to do something. Knowing her the way I do, I am guessing that she pointed out the following.
When her mother was seriously ill she willingly did everything a mother could ever want from a daughter and more. Cooking, cleaning, scheduling and driving her mother to and from doctor’s appointments and hospitals, fighting for the best care available and filling prescriptions were all done by her. She slept at her mothers’ every night, returned to her home and husband in the mornings, helped him run their business, returned to her mothers’ a few times during the day, and when no one else could watch their grandson she did that too. Luckily this immediate family is very close and everyone lives within metres of each other. Tending to her grandson was for true emergencies.
Everyone around her knew her mother was gravely ill. Even the person who indirectly tried to rope her into taking care of someone else, but interestingly, that person never offered to help my friend when she could have used it. That person is retired and money isn’t tight. She’s got time on her hands and a fair share of the conveniences of life. She just doesn’t like to be inconvenienced by talking care of her own mother. That’s why she tried to inconvenience others, one being her sister-in-law, my friend.
So does the whole never complain, never explain need to be rethought? Complaining is a negative. But then there’s that saying, “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” I’ve done my share of complaining and I’ve also heard a lot of it.
Now here’s the caveat to complaining. If you complain about someone to everyone within earshot, they just might start commenting, or explaining a few things and give everyone a reality check into exactly who you are. And when people hear that from someone who has earned their respect, you’ll end up looking like the fool you truly are. That also means that no one will want to help you. Pick your poison wisely.
If people stopped complaining and explaining and got on with life they’d get more done and we’d all be happier for it! Then they wouldn’t get a much deserved reality check either! Right after my friend gave someone their reality check they were speechless. Helping someone else out was never mentioned again nor will it ever be!
The flipside is this. Had my friend been one of the suckers born every day, she wouldn’t have been helping out. She would have always been doing everything! There is a fine line between those who complain and those who comment. Complainers will rope you into something and then use that rope by hanging you with a false sense of responsibility. Explanations are only given when they need to cover their ass.
If someone asks you for help a few times a year for something small, they probably need it. I’d give it to them. If someone is always asking for help, use your discretion. You might end up complaining about them and explaining why. On a side note, I’d like to add that despite my friends’ best efforts her mother passed away.
Here are some links that pertain to this blog,
http://arebelsrant.com/never-complain-never-explain/
http://arebelsrant.com/why-you-should-live-drama-free/
http://arebelsrant.com/being-independent/
http://arebelsrant.com/dealing-with-drama-2/ (I’m pretty sure this one has a link)
http://arebelsrant.com/the-supposed-sane-people/
http://arebelsrant.com/how-do-you-deal-with-life/
http://arebelsrant.com/are-your-lights-on/
Thank you for reading, A. Rebel’s Rant! ;D
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